The conversation

“What changed?”

“The time of my life.”

“I changed, the memories changed. They became brittle. Soft unbroken, I carried them for too long, I yearned for the mystery in you for a long time. Here I am, standing right where I began to leave you by. Those summer evenings, the winter mornings. I chased my dreams for too long. It was all in vain, without having anyone to celebrate those success with.”

“Was it so?”

“No, it wasn’t always. Sometimes people come, people stay and then they leave but I was tired of the impermanence.” “What I mean to say is, change is necessary but it doesn’t have to be a permanent solution.”

Life is all about acceptance right? You accept the truth, you accept the reason you are not smiling anymore because you are not happy or maybe happy but you are sad at the same time. You often ask, how can that happen? Does it happen to others? Do others experience talking too oneself in the middle of the night?

You suddenly feel, there is weird blanket of eerie quietness around your soul. You look outside your window, you see the future flickering, pressing the heart, your chest pounding against those every-minute-growing-brittle ribs and here you are standing on the other side of the road, raising your hand slowly towards that reality, trying to catch it. It whooshes off in front of eyes. There is nothing worse than an emotional mirage. You think to yourself, you will do fine. You shrug off but here you are standing.

“You are standing right exactly where you are.” ” You progress so infinitesimally small, that you feel like you are an amoeba. You feel the cells, should decrease, you should be less complicated. The brain that you have, is becoming heavier, more complicated and you are searching all the answer at once. You are being blinded by all the parallel information, you are in a daze. You are confused about your hunger, that’s something inexplicable. You are sleeping and suddenly you realize, in your dreams, you are cracking, you rebuild and the abstract that you have in your mind, is all in vain.”

Someone you hope will write a song for you one day, but no, the world is a little more cruel than that, so you get up in the middle of the night and here you are, those countless dreams in your eyes and those lack-of-space-but-yet-filling-up-your-mind thoughts and you have this conversation with your inner self. You keep trying and then you see one day, you have reached where you are supposed to and it all starts to make sense. The number of times you fell down and you rose up to that challenge, you shook hands with it, before throwing it off the cliff and you feel like fleeing to an unknown paradise where your heart is ready to breath life into your soul and you keep running toward your dream. You wait and you wait till you reach.